We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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