I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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