I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
