We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
