if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
