So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
