dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
