Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
