yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
