If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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