His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
