She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
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I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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