I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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