are you still at the devil's house?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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