Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
