I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
