lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
