That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
