Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
