what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
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Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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