It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My feet surprised me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
