these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
