What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize