$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
