You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
