I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
