Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
