let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
