While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
