Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
