but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
