and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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