shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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