You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
