Small penises have feelings too.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
