he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
