he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
