I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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