What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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