i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is it penis luge time yet?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
