Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
