i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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