Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
