Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
