I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
