Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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