you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
