ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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