hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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