Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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