I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
