God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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