I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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