youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize