I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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