He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
