3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize